Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Restless yet sleepy

The whole day I'm feeling really restless...

The results of the CULTHIS exam from Hell was given back, and i got a fucking 92 ouf ot 100 !!! i was so pretty much surprised by the result because I was quite expecting that I will not have such a good score but i did pretty much decently... so uber happy about that...

Shels is absent... Elwyn is absent... such a lonely day for me as I struggled to keep myself awake in the classes.

When i was looking at my blog, i found out that the template/skin that i used really isn't that great... so, i've downloaded another skin... the stars seems kinda the stars found in joems blog, well maybe because his skin and my skin are both created by the same skin maker... but, i still have dozens of star as for my background... and as for the clock which seems mighty reminiscent of an old-fashioned school watch, i've replaced it with a digital clock... planning to install music later...

Consulted with Professor Hila as to how i will tackle our paper. Given me lots of suggestions... Good thing, RELSFOR classes are no more tomorrow, thus plenty of time to make the paper for CULTHIS..

just ate lunch in Kenny Rogers... and ate like a hog... No wonder i'm getting so mighty and freaking fat... I currently weigh 134 pounds... which is not proportional to my weight. This past few weeks, I have not been able to jog and exercise... I need to tone down...

Song of the Moment: I Can't Tell You Why by Gayle Dizon. I really really loved Gayle's interpretation of the song...I mean, the revival was not just a imitation of the original song.. and the video was so creative... and i like Gayle's voice.. soothing and relaxing... as I may quote from my friend PJ, "it's like being hit by a refreshing wave of cool water"...

Mighty sleepy... got to take a well-deserved rest and catch some zzzz's... maybe elwyn will visit me in my dreams and we might do the things that lovers do...

Tuesday, March 30, 2004

I'm the King of the WORLD... hoping to be...

CULTHIS Final paper: due date, MOnday, April 5
PHILOHI Final Exam: April 6
PHILOHI Synthesis paper: APril 6
PHILSPA Paper and Book Review: April 6
PHILSPA FInal Exam: April 6

the tasks seems intimdating and gargantuan.... NOT !!!

Finally, after typing and encoding and squeezing my brain out, i have finally completed all the paperwork needed for my PHILOHI and PHILSPA classes. My perseverance paid off. For the 1st time in my whole life, I'm not gonna cram... yESSAH !!! broken that nasty habit of mine which I acquired in high school. All I'm gonna do is the CULTHIS paper which is somewhat easier since i have 2 competent groupmates, Elwyn and Shella and the two exams which are on the same date... just finish the exams and I'm gonna free... am so Fucking JOyful.

Finally, I really feel that i'm in control of the situation, the one in the driver's seat, the one navigating the SHip... it really feels so good to know that you are in control... i really hope that no blindsides will occur along the way...


Coincidence: I was reading Joems blog and saw that he spent the night with his phanks in the same motel where elwyn and I have popoy sessions.... what a coincidence coz i was there too last night, with elwyn....

MOvie COntingent: The Passion of Christ: The ODDERS are gonna be watching the much anticipated movie of most people, The Passion of Christ this coming Friday. This movie will attempt to graphically and visually expose us on the last 12 hours of JEsus Christ; his sufferings and all the torture scenes. If i remember my Bible correctly, I think the last 12 hours of Jesus is gonna be quite bloody and reviews about the movie promised extreme violence and bloodshed and gore. However, there's gonna be quite a difference between the gore in The Passion with another gory movie such as KILL bill.. (THE volume 2 is gonna be released this APRIL !!! WHOOPEE !!!) because of the context. Actor Mel Gibson, a devout Catholic directed the movie and JIm Caviezel (the Count of MOnte Cristo), will be the Jesus Christ....

To further elucidate and heighten the catharsis of the viewers, Gibson used the ancient Aramaic and LAtin languages throughout the movie(thus, subtitles... ). however, the Jewish community has raised their hackles a lot because of the portrayal of the JEws as being very violent and bloody... but, i guess if one wants to interpret the Bible devoutly, one has to accept that the Jews really did all that thing to Jesus..

I'm so uber excited... and I have high hopes and expectations for the film... Hoping to be not disappointed by the movie....

Song of the MOMent: Rainbow by SOuth Border. "Take a little time baby, see the butterflies colors, listen to the birds that were sent for you and me, can you feel me, this is such a wonderful place for you and me..." =)

Cigs taken: none... mighty happy that I did not smoke today

I had just prepared a 4-deck tuna sandwich... got four slices of some wheat bread, openned a can of century tuna (plain soaked in oil) and gotten some mayo and cheese... and the sight of it is tempting me as of the moment... got to go prepare a glass of lemonade and chow...

Monday, March 29, 2004


that's my current state... buried in tons of paperwork... My fingers are already cracking and moaning asking me if they could they just take the break.... my eyes are squinting and hurting looking at the computer screen... and since Saturday, my head's been thumping a little bit crazy, but i still move on. DLSU is known for the "Hell Week"... the week before the finals where all the teachers wanted the students to submit the requirements on time and dozens of last minute exams are given.... Some stupid teachers also give their final exams on the same hell week adding to the misery of the students. so here i am, doing the things that a dilligent student should do... just let me finish this week and I'll certainly celebrate....

Sexual Life: =) ... I never thought that i could still be having sex despite all of the work that our professor has given us. The papers did not stop Elwyn and me from having a raunchy popoy amidst the papers, books and computer in my room... damn, was so fucking hot... after that, we sort of kinda joked about having a real relationship, but we just shrugged it off and we launched into a review session of our CULTHIS. Elwyn and i just discussed about the nativistic elements in modern art, how did the Church influenced a great deal the lives of the filipinos at that time and so many other things... stayed up until the wee hours of the morning discussing...

New thing discovered: Elwyn digs Westlife... i was guffawing yesterday while Elwyn was drooling all over the Westlife boyband... a don't know whetha i should be turned off or what.... =)

Fucking TEST From HEll: Due to the fact that we're both exhausted reviewing our combined notes and our bodies, Elwyn and I overslept. I wake up around 8:30 and i panicked... in about 50 minutes, we're gonna be having the BIG TEST. i was so mighty scared of this test because it will determine the grade which we're gonna receive in our course cards... When Prof. Hila handed the questionnaires, i was mighty confident of the questions... the only problem that snagged me is the time limit... i can't expound my answers... and the time limit is constraining... damnit... i don't think i performed quite badly in the test.... Henry Crosses fingers

Song of the moment: Gayle Dizon's version of Ikaw Lamang

The Green Mile: Last Saturday, while taking a breather from typing and encoding while muching a hotdog sandwich... okey sandwiches... i chanced upon the presentation of Studio 23 and the movie that they're gonna present is The Green Mile starring Tom Hanks... i recalled a Stephen King book which i have read around a few months ago about a book with the same name... and upon finding that it is the same book, i've let myself watch the whole movie.... damn... i've put off all my work just to watch the movie and it did not failed me in my expectation... it's like watching the book....

Here's a slight synopsis of the movie: Paul Edgecombe (Tom Hanks) is one of the top-ranked officers in the E Block of the Cold Mountain State Penitentiary, where alll the inmates are placed before they were placed into the Electric chair. Here, he encountered JOhn Coffey, a mammoth of a man convicted of raping and killing two girls and off towards being executed. Also, JOhn Coffey is a healer... he absorbs all the hurts, the pains and could restore life... all throughout the movie, the relationship and the bond between Coffey, Edgecombe and all the other guards of E Block continue to strengthen until Coffey has to finally face death by means of the electric chair...

The Green Mile as a book is not a typical Stephen King book where someone will be treated to a horrorfest. Both the book and the movie explore the relationship of the inmates and the guards in the death row and the power exuded by faith healing...

Food being munched: Dunkin donuts.. chocolate kreme... next on the list is the bavarian and last but not the least is the strawberry kreme...

got to work again....

Saturday, March 27, 2004

Saturday Afternoon post

Academic Status: Man, i'm feeling the pressure of the impending finals... I really am literally buried in work. 3 book reviews for my Philippines under Spain, a 20 page synthesis paper for my Philosophy of History and I've got to set up interviews with the creators of Anito, the 1st online rpg game created by Filipinos for my Cultural History class because of my assigned topic which is about how does the Filipino nativistic, folk and academic art represented in online rpg games. And they are all due in the succeeding Mondays of the following weeks. There's so much to do and so little time. I should start burning the midnight lamp again. And drink gazillions of litters of coffee to keep me awake. But I'm still mighty confident that I will finish all of this in due time and zap through it...

Emotional Status: I'm currently in a state of emotional limbo. I'm quite hurting due to several reasons. I do appreciate the help and advices and tips that most of my friends are giving me but I guess I really am a bull-headed person. I mean, in the end, i will be the one making the decisions for me. I've been known to be quite an individualistic and strong-minded person. I'm quite a radical when it comes to thinking. Most of the people in high school are quite afraid of me because they know that I'm not the person with whom they can play the screw-you type of game. I've had several quarrels with my best friend Shella over several matters but in the end, my line of thinking ruled. I continue to follow my line of thinking because I know that with my line of thinking, I could be true to myself. One thing that I don't like is changing something in you so as to fit in with the in group. I mean, that's really pathetic because you'll be like them, all the same, therefore bland. When one imitates exactly, the identity of the person imitating is lost because in the process, you're trying to exactly copy the person you're imitating.

I really really appreciate the tips, advices and help that my friends give me. It shows concern and compassion. =)

I'm also feeling quite happy because of the fact that my relationship with Elwyn has gotten much and much stronger...

LSS: Fantasia Barrino's version of "Signed, Sealed, Delivered".. am currently bopping my head... bop, bop, bop the head while singing "Here i am baby, Shigned, shealed, delivered, I'm yours." hahaha...

Spotlight on Nuckdown: Yesterday, I've got the chance to bound with Vermont aka nuckdown. 1st impression of him is that he's not gonna stay. Just another face. but yesterday, i've learned a lot of things about him. I really had a nice time talking to him about Arcade games and our favorite female characters, academic status, the US states and how i thought of bestowing to my children (pretty sure to be non-existent) the names of the different US States such as Pennsylvania, Alabama etc, and love and relationships. He's really, really cool and i guess my impression of him has changed.

Book being read: Still stucked with Tracy Chevalier's Girl With a Pearl Earring. next on my booklist is the Stephen King thriller, Needful Things. Funny thing, I have tons of works to do yet here i am thinking about what book i should read next... damn, i really am a nerd, a bookworm, and I guess I pretty much like it.

Friday, March 26, 2004

Hectic Friday

Today is a hectic day for me. I'm currently broke because I have to endure zipping from DLSU-Manila to DLS-Zobel around 3 and LSGH at around 5 in the afternoon. I currently have just 150 bucks left from my 500 because I have to endure riding taxis because no one among the pompous and assholes in our guidance counselling class offered me a ride or even a hitch. I mean, am willing to pay for the gasoline and stuff but no, I have to endure stucked in taxis... oh what the fuck, i quite enjoyed the interview sessions that i had with some of the students. and man, they're all hotties esp. this guy whom I've just interviewed. Kevin... Kevin Patrick...

am quite tired but am on a high... just have to zip through the things i have to do... damn....

talk with elwyn went quite okey. we're both apprehensive as of being lovers to each others but we have become exclusive now to each other... still friends... and sex is really good...

Thursday, March 25, 2004

Problemo Again

During today's classes i can't help but feel that i'm confronted again with another problem. a problem which is related to the heart... god help me...

I don't know what i'm feeling now... I feel like I'm falling in love with my fuck-bud.I know that i've promised to myself after that big heartbreak that i should take a breather from having relationships but i think i'm starting to fall in love again. i feel a certain twinge of ownership of him. and also, i begin acting as a lover to him such as calling him every night, being sweet to him, sending him sweet nothings via mail and even singing a love song in front of him... I don't know if it's a positive or negative thing but one thing for sure is that I'm transcending all the rules again which I've created.. damn... why is it so hard...pursue a normal bf relationship or keep the status as fuckbuds/friends... got to follow Boccelli's advice and have a serious conversation with him.. god let me have the wit and tact so as to explain the whole situation to elwyn... i'm scared to lose our friendship.

Things are getting a lot riskier now that the other history majors are already suspecting the true nature of our relationship...


A Hiatus from Blogging

Yesterday, I just wanted to take a break from the massive hysteria and mess which I have been in, well my school life. I just felt the urge to break away from typing, surfing the internet for discreet archived documents, researching in the musty confines of the library and archives section and other stuffs related to schoolwork. As soon as my classes for the day ended, i sort of just trooped in Robinson's place and snagged some food and watched Ju-on: The Grudge 2 which really did not scared me as i wanted to be. then i've just dropped into the arcades section and blew off some people at the Marvel vs. Capcom 2. I've ditched Morrigan for another Darkstalker figure, which is the Catwoman Felicia. Not quite as successful with using my Morrigan-Psylocke-Cammy trio... Felicia's attack is mainly on the ground and surface... her aerial comboes suck... Although she has a nice super, her sand splash which covers the whole bottom of the screen (which is a good thing because I'm quite sure with this super that ), overall, Morrigan's still the Darkstalker babe for me. Her attacks could be easily comboed into aerial raves, a nice and swift pixie, has a projectile which could be controlled and has a nice beaming super (Soul Eraser). then, Tekken 4 with Christie Monteiro and JUlia CHang...not so mighty successful with Julia Chang but mighty successful with Christie...damn, I would really like to know how to exercise Capoeira...

after a much-needed tryst at the mall, i've decided to just take a breather in our house and read Tracy Chevalier's Girl with a Pearl Earring so as to alleviate myself from the tension of the coming finals week. I've just sort of popped in my SIAM cd and let myself be washed by angelic voices.

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

Still Feeling bad...

I've got to miss a contingent because of a fucking surprise paper... damnit..

Finally given consent to Elwyn to have sex..

nothing more to say... in a funky and cranky mood... sleepy... incoherent

Monday, March 22, 2004

Mood: Bitchy and Sarcastic, COndition: IN PAIN

I don't know why I'm in such a bitchy mood this day. I started this morning with this stupid and drilling headache. I don't know what's gotten into me this day. I feel like I'm sick and wasted. All my body parts are clamoring for a rest. All of them are aching. My legs, my arms, shoulders, damnit. I was literally PAIN the whole morning, but I have to endure another day of attending classes and researching dusty documents and transcribing it so as to find more and more data for our research projects in History.

The whole day, all i do is bitch and criticize almost everything. From the teacher's lateness to my best friend's joviality. I don't know what's gotten into me. I'm in such an off mood the whole day. Even my teachers, classmates and even Elwyn noticed me being off and I can't help but feel upset about their criticisms. I mean, can anyone just forgive me for being in such an off mood. I'm quite sure that most of us do feel this certain moment when everything seems to be all fucked-up. Damnit.

Elwyn just talked to me the whole afternoon. He's asking me if he could have sex with another person. I could not reply. I just said I'd talk to him tomorrow. When he said that to me, I feel a twinge of jealousy enter me.... but do I possess the right to be jealous of his other potential sex-mates. We're not freaking lovers, are we??? hmmmm... i can't answer... i think i've fallen again for another guy. naaah... help please... to Elwyn: Could You just Love me for A Little While

Lunch break post again

damn, i'm currently stucked in a computer terminal cramming and cramming for our presentation tomorrow. damnit. a whole afternoon of making powerpoint presentations...

i'm currently in a pissed-off mood. so many negative things have happened around me the whole weekend. The whole saturday, i have to endure a night filled with sermons and fingerpointing from my sister and her boyfriend. damnit. negative thing is i don't have any freaking internet access because my internet card ran out... then yesterday, i have to endure some time accompanying my sister shopping for groceries in exchange for an internet card. Then, a thing that will shock me is the theft of an issey miake(did i spell it out right) perfume from James loft last Friday. the act is really pathetic... damnit, the trust and the camaraderie in the group was broken... tsk.. the simple thought reeks strongly of betrayal. i really hope that we find that fucking motherfucker... damn, i could wring his neck... but the damage is done. There's a pall of cloud hanging over the ODDErspace, and I don't know who to trust anymore. damnit, why does this despicable event has to happen.... good thing, there's someone in the group whom i could trust with my life and who trusts me too....

only redeeming value for the week: Hot, and raunchy popoy with Elwyn...

Friday, March 19, 2004

Econ's turn: What makes me happy being a PLU

quote from the blog of Tripnautic: What makes me happy being PLU:

bed, fridays at malate, francis and zeki holding hands, james' mushy posts to koppy,henry's recovery from marlon, elwyn and his endless sexual appetite, monogamy, stolich and nathan, meng-meng's, darkroom adventures, bes dennis' academic discourse on homosexual behavior., bes, tops and bottoms, big putotoys, whammy SMKs, pao's happy life, contingents on james' pad, #salsalan, long conversations on the phone with an ODDer, dodong and zsazsa zaturnnah, kapag kinikilig si kugel, cher, house music, "innocent" stan, hugs with guys, san mig light, the word fabulous and divine, PLUdar activation, motmots, papu, long foreplays and sudden hardons, bel-ami, and lastly having an intimate moments with phanks.

now it's econ's turn to enumerate the best things about being a plu
1.) PLU relationships which last and prove the misconception that plu relationships are doomed from the start. Relationships such as JOnes and James, Phanks and Joems, Zeki and Francis... they really give me hope that someday i'm gonna find the man for me
2.) Finding a PLU-group. Highly Diverse yet unified by a common bond, that is our sexuality.
3.) M2M sex...
4.) Divas such as Mariah, Lani, Reg, Alicia, Gayle, Sheryn, MArinel, etc...
5.) Sean Cody and NIfty ERotic Stories
6.) Recovering from a big break-up
7.) Finding a fuckbud/friend/classmate (Elwyn) after the fall-out from Marlon
8.) Finding a good adviser (Joems) to guide me in how to live life
9.) Contingents.. whether it's clean or a self-destructive lost
10.) HAppy disposition of Doc Mrav
11.) Highly individualistic and dynamic personality of Stolich
12.) Bonding with PJ and discussing SIAM
13.) Knowing schoolmates Jonas, Marvin and Stan
14.) BEer, Gin and other alcoholic drinks
15.) Being true to self and not trying to mask true identity
16.) Having a friend whom you can share it all
18.) Anito, Malate
19.) Chinese guys....
20.) and...being able to live my life freely and fully

Thursday, March 18, 2004

Thursday rants:

Warning: This is purely ranting...

My best friend Shels and I decided to buy our lunch from Agno. I was craving for some roast beef and some siomai with rice while she was hunkering for some siomai too and a fettucini alfredo. For those non-lasallians out there, Agno street could be considered the smoker's alley and the food heavens galore for me because of gastronomically good foods at low and affordable prices which are basically a PLus for me since I'm on a budget. So we just bought our food there in the respective stalls and traipsed all the way to the College Canteen (z2) because basically we're starving and since it's the nearest eating place where we could eat. So, we entered the canteen and immediately grabbed a vacant table. So as to show that we still appreciate the canteen we're currently eating in, Shels and I decided to buy some drinks. After buying drinks, we settled in too eat our chow when suddenly, this fucking canteen attendant went to our table and pointed out that the canteen has implemented a policy prohibiting us students into bringing and eating foods brought from the outside there. I mean, how dare he say that. I mean, a freaking canteen should be open for all. plus, we bought something inside the canteen which makes us somewhat liable to use the canteen. We just continued eating until he reiterated his request. We just gave him that glare, daring him again to repeat what he has already said. If ever he repeated that, I would sure like to raise my voice and start a commotion right there and then. Also, knowing my friend Shels, she is no push-over too. Good thing, he just slinked away. I was relatively pissed at what happened and I did not enjoy my meal.

Another thing to rant about is the fucking internet system of DLSU. I can't fucking enroll in one of my subjects in HIstory because I have not yet passed the pre-req yadda... yadda... but what the fuck, in my fucking flow chart, I was only asked to take 3 units of European History, and Modern Europen History is the one being offered. Damnit... I have to talk to that bitchy academic assistant again..

Last thing to rant about is the slow intranet connection of DLSU. MAn, i've been enrolling for 3 hours. Damnit. damnit. damnit..

okey, henry take a deep breath... deep breath... deep breath....

Had another conversation with Elwyn earlier. He asked me if he called call me up later in the evening. He has a big secret to tell to me, he said. wonder what the secret would be... and i wonder if i'd still be awake if he calls up. He has this nasty habit of calling up around 1 or 2 in the morning. I do appreciate him taking time to call me, but he always keeps on interrupting my sleep... but what the hell, he's cute, he's smart, he's frank, i know he likes me, i think i like him too... hmmm... naaaah... not yet...

forgot where I placed the copy of the test I took...

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Wednesday Revelry

Today, I decided to go to classes despite the fact that I got home around 2:45 in the morning. My dad raised some heckles on me regarding the fact that I've once again came in early in the morning. I don't know why he's so freaking mad at me when I've even asked permission for him that I'm gonna go to a friend's house. At that time, my nerves are already frayed but good thing that I'm so sleepy that I've just let his words of wrath wash over me. I mean, instead of fighting back, it's easier to absorb than to retaliate especially at my current state.

Slept like a log and had a sort of dream. I dreamt of my deceased mum. She's consoling me over something. She said that I should be made of sterner stuff because I'm her son. I just woke up with the blare of my alarm clock saying that it's already 7 o clock. I couldn't help but cry as I think of my mom. My mom has always been there for me especially when the times get rough and when the world seems too overpowering for me. Despite our dozens of differences, i know that she still loves me after all the silly things and accusations I've done. When she got sick and her complications in diabetes soon become worse and more apparent, I couldn't help myself but to escape from the problem and i went into my sojourn in Carcar, Cebu and island hopping in the Visayas regions. I couldn't help but feel dismayed that my MOM, my strong mom who is full of vibrant energy and dynamism has been succumbing to her sickness and is slowly giving up the fight. I miss my mom....

Attended the classes today. Had so much fun with my classes today especially with my GUICOED class. All we did in the class is answer psychological tests... hahaha..... I'm 4 points convergent and 7 points divergent... that means i'm a fantasizer...

(The next post will be about the test.... )

damn, elwyn is so hot. I like him a lot. Showed him more affection... but not quite sure with what's gonna happen in the future... just hopes that everything will turn out quite ok.

I'm gonna fall asleep in about a coupla minutes... 10...9...8..7..6..5..4..3..2..1.. i'll post this now

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Thoughts keep spilling on my head...

Yesterday, just watched Charmed. Having drunk several cups of coffee so as to keep me awake, i decided to watch "Ok Fine whatever" coz my sister said to me that the VIVA Hot Babes will gonna be there. Despite my sexual orientation and preference, I also still have erections when faced with gorgeous and bodacious ladies. I remember when I've first watched the 1st VCD of the Hot Babes, I couldn't help myself but jack-off with liquid thoughts and fantasies with me being the lead guy and with them being the lead woman. So, just sort of watched the show and allowed myself to appreciate the aesthetics of the female form. Funny thing, when I view my crush Gwen Garci, i did not have any erection. In fact, the whole time yesterday, I was not having erections when I visualized them and me getting it on... damn, i guess i really am gay...

Spent the whole night again typing and typing the thoughts on my head for my PHILOHI written report and for my synthesis papers on GUICOED and PHILSPA. damn, the thoughts just kept on pouring my head and I felt that I was having a light bulb experience this morning. Man, my fingers are already sore from scribbling notes and typing in the keyboard, my eyes are getting painful with it simultaneously reading notes on the book and looking at the computer screen... until I've found myself waking up around 8 in the morning, with me slumped over the PC, the pc is still on, the radio is still on, damn what a waste of electricity. I'm quite sure that our electric bill will soon hit the 3,000 mark when the monthly bills arrive...

Just went into the class and decided to be more subdued. During classes, I can't help but become more aggressive and dominating in the discourses especially if i really feel something strongly in the topics which are discussed. Many classmates has viewed me as a typical bossy and somewhat insufferable know-it-all especially in college and in my high school days. I can't help but try to become more vocal. I mean, the whole class is just freaking silent and they're all off dreaming some other worlds while the teacher is discussing. Rather than have a one-way flow of information (teacher-----> student), i decided to become more involved and make it a two-way process. Sadly, many of my classmates misinterpret this dynamism and say that I'm just an opinionated and fucking know-it-all. I sometimes shrug this comments but sometimes this comments really bring me down and i feel so bad after. One thing about me is that I'm easily offended and easily hurt by what other people say and think about me. I am an onion-skinned (?, don't know the English translation of the Filipino saying balat-sibuyas) person.

on the other hand, Elwyn and I are still in good terms, in fact, we're gonna have popoy again tomorrow. I do think that he's feeling something for me and I admit that I have been feeling something for him too since the start of the term. Problem, we're both afraid of taking it to the next level, which is becoming lovers. Just mighty happy with my so-called relationship with him. also, i'm on good speaking terms with Marlon, he asked me if i could be his partner again for the presentation in RELSFOR. hehehe... he's turning in again the charms and trying to impress me wtth this looks, but this guy has already learned his lesson the hard way, so sorry.... =)

currently typing again for embellishments for my paper. This song has been stucked in my mind since this morning. It's "If I Ain't Got You" by Alicia Keys which came from her sophomore album, The Diary of Alicia Keys. I really like Alicia Keys. Nice and superb voice, very much r&b and her songs really speaks raw emotions which comes from the heart. Here's the lyrics....

If I Ain't Got You

Some people live for the fortune
Some people live just for the fame
Some people live for the power yeah
Some people live just to play the game
Some people think that the physical things define what's within
And I've been there before
But that life's a bore
So full of the superficial

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

Some people search for a fountain
That promises forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way to prove you love them

Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be?
With no one to share, with no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you, you, you

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you baby
If I ain't got you baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

If I ain't got you with me baby
Nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing
If I ain't got you with me baby

Monday, March 15, 2004

Monday Evening Post

Finished typing my paper in CUltural History and gonna start preparing for my powerpoint presentation for PHILOHI tomorrow. damn, so much to do, so little time. I'm cramming again, by golly. I keep on promising myself that I won't procrastinate but here I am, procrastinated to the max again. I've been pretty much lax with my studies this term so I need to exert more effort and go the extra mile again.

I don't know which side am I going to be in the brewing wars between the faculty members of the History Department. ON one side is Prof. Hila, one side is Dr. Dery. Man, i think the competition between these two rivals have reached its peak today when they almost come into blows with each other. I really don't care who is right or who is wrong but I want to know the truth. I mean, the history majors are being dragged in all this bullshit and we're all forced to take sides. damnit, don't they know that instead of strengthening the faculty, the're only making it weak compared to the other departments. such a silly bunch of fools. i hate them...

Regarding Marlon, he's moving on. Met with him earlier after lunch on my way to the library. we're gonna be friends but that's just about it. happy with the way it ended

Had popoy earlier with Elwyn. man he's so hot. and really raunchy. plus, he also likes to be entered. man, unlike my relationship with marlon, where he's quite apprehensive about being bottomed, Elwyn has no inhibitions, which is somewhat a plus factor for me..... hmmm... i wonder how Elwyn looks like when he's a frosh...

currently listening in the radio... chanced earlier to hear this song... "You're My Little Secret" by Xscape...
really like this song... i'm gonna post it..

You're My Little Secret
Artist: Xscape
Album: Traces Of My Lipstick

See baby your my little secret (secret secret)
If you don't tell I won't tell
And that's how we gotta keep it

See baby your my little secret
If you don't tell I won't tell
And that's how we gotta keep it

Verse 1
Did anybody see ya
Come into my house last night
When I got your message in my beeper
That you wanna do everything I like
Alright (alright)

Like being in the same room with you and your girlfriend
The fact that she don't know (she don’t know)
That really turns me on
She'll never guess in a million years
That we got this thing going on

Your my little secret
(Secret babe)
And that's how we should keep it
(Nobody has to know)
It's on everybody's mind about you and I
They think so
But they don't really know or wanna know

That your my little secret
And that's how we should keep it
We should never let 'em know
Never let it show if know like I know
We should never let it go

Verse 2
If anybody knew that
It was you and your house
That I was creepin to all the time
Well promise you'll do it
Cause I find it hard to keep you off of my mind (baby)

Like being in the same room with you and your girlfriend
The fact that she don't know
It really turns me on
She'll never guess in a million years
That we got this thing going on

Your my little secret
That's how we should keep it
(Nobody has to know)
It's on everybody's mind about you and I
They think so
But they don't really know or wanna know

That your my little secret
And that's how we should keep it
We should never let 'em know
Never let it show
If you know like I know
We should never let it go

Verse 3
Everybody cheats
But you gotta know how
You gotta know when
You gotta know why, Oh my
Infatuation with you is taking me on an emotional high
I'm caught all up in this love affair baby
Speculation will bring us there
All friends are asking me about it
Still the truth I can't reveal

(Chorus) Your my little secret
And that's how we should keep it
(And that's how we should keep it baby)
It's on everybody's mind about you and I
They think so
But they don't really know or wanna know

That your my little secret
And that's how we should keep it
We should never let 'em know
Never let it show
If you know like I know
We should never let it go
As long as I'm right here
(right here boy)
You ain't ever gonna be by yourself
(oh no no)
Cause the love that we share
It stays on my mind
You're always gonna be a little secret of mine

As long as I'm right here
You ain't never gonna be by yourself
(oh you won't have to be alone)
Cause the love that we share
It stays on my mind
Always gonna be a little secret of mine
(yah yah)

(Chorus) Your my little secret
That's how we should keep it
It's on everybody's mind about you and I
They think so
But they don't really know or wanna know

That your my little secret
And that's how we should keep it
We should never let 'em know
Never let it show
If you know like I know
We should never let it go

Lunchbreak Post

I've done a lot of things yesterday. Since i've been awake around 5 in the morning so as to continue my jogging, and being drained by an extensive voter's education program and all the other stresses made me collapse after I have halved my PHILOHI paper requirement. I felt that i was so tired and mired the whole night yesterday. I did not even enjoyed watching Survivor All-Stars and watching Colby Donaldson get booted off after entangling with Jerri Manthey and Shii Ann Huang. I was ready to get to sleep so as to waken up very much refreshed today. so, I've eaten my dinner which is about 5 pieces of siomai which i've cooked, a cup of fried rice and for my dessert I've got myself some mixed fruits in my fruit bowl. By around 9:30, i was ready to hit the sack when I've received a call from MArlon, my ex. I really don't want to handle any more stressful confrontations with him as of the moment mainly because the day has been somewhat very long for me and I'm so much drained of all the stressful activities which I have done the whole day, but Marlon pleaded to me that he wanted to talk to me in person, in private. So as to put all issues to rest and to keep my mind from wandering whether he truly loved me or not, I decided to meet with him yesterday and drop by his loft.

I know that this is such a risky move mainly because we're gonna be alone and i don't know whether he's really wanting to talk or what. I also don't know whether he was sober at that time or whether he's drunk with alcohol. but, i really would like to bury the past with him and try to move on, so hence the need to reach a compromise or ending. i really thought that we have reached an ending last feb. 28 but it seems that there's still a lot to talk about.

Arrived at his loft around 10 and then we decided to talk. I just set all the records straight and just answered his question. Man, Marlon was a wreck yesterday. He's basically sobbing and blabbering non sequiturs over me. I asked him whether he's still feeling something for me, He answered yes. I really think he's still feeling for me and that in a way, he had loved me. I feel triumphant and somewhat apprehensive about my victory because I'm causing him suffering. He has admitted his mistake and asked me for his forgiveness. Being the nice person that I am, I've readily forgiven him about the mistakes that he has committed in the past. I just sat there and tried to help him accept that we should move on with our lives rather than live in the past which holds only bitterness and sorrows for both of us. Man, before arriving at his place, I have thought of pounding into his brain that he's sore, he's pathetic, that he wasn't man enough for me to face his responsibilities and reduce him into his pure psychological core but the sight that I've saw yesterday was pretty much appalling to witness that I've immediately switched to my goody-good image.

Now, i feel somewhat happy and elated on one hand and stressed to the max on the other hand because of the tons of paperwork which needs to be taken care of for my history subjects. damn, it's crunchtime once again and henry should crunch and crunch...

Sunday, March 14, 2004

Confused thoughts

Thought #1: Man. I think the Philippines is really heading towards the bottom. When we did the community service for RELSFOR, i have high hopes that the people have already learned their lesson from the disastrous presidency of Pres. Estrada. Yet, I think my hopes will be dashed because of the results of the data we've collected and collated from one of the biggest voting barangays in Tramo, Paranaque. It seems to me that the results of the coming election will again be based on a popularity contest. Most of the people we've interviewed are gonna vote for FPJ rather than see the need for us to vote for "the lesser evil"... I think I have to skip the country and look for jobs in other nations if ever FPJ becomes the president. I shudder to think about the repercussions of a FPJ presidency. I really hope that the Filipinos would be more choosy in picking their future leaders.

Thought #2: I don't know what to think about MArlon. I'm currently contemplating the question whether he truly loved me the whole time we're together or was he just faking it. I've brought Elwyn today for my community service mainly because I want to spend time with him and secondly, so as to see Marlon's reaction when he saw me with another guy. but, Marlon did not show any sign of jealousy or even any kind of feeling. He's just real apathetic over the matter. And here is where i go nuts. I don't know whether he really had feelings for me. tsk tsk tsk...

Thought #3: I guess people really had different tastes in music. Today, i was almost caught up in a fight regarding Star in A Million. I was just ranting over how Erik bluffed over the whole song with Elwyn when this fag suddenly began raising issues with me. damn, i felt confident at first but it turned out that he's calling out other Erik supporters from the neighborhood so as to gang up on me. Man, that's kinda sticky for me. Good thing, there's Mang Jack to clear all the trouble for me..

Thouhgt #4: There's trouble in the history department, and the sad thing is all history majors are all caught in the middle....

Friday, March 12, 2004

Ranting on reading, Imperfectness in Love

Man, i will have a busy weekend. Since it's crunchtime, I have to start reading 2 books regarding the cultural story of the philippines so as to finish my synthesis paper which will be submitted on the 29th. Also, i still have to write for my GUICOED interview. and finish reading for my RELSFOR report which is kinda hard as of the moment because Marlon decided to leave me alone in reporting, a somewhat not so good act on his part. I mean i was kinda expecting him to stick by me so as to help us finish our report yet he left me alone and joined some other group. Oh well, it's mighty immature of him. Now that we're not a couple anymore, i'm seeing the chinks and faults on his personality such as his childishness and immaturity and the senseless habit of jumping ahead without thinking about the possible dire effects of his actions. I guess when you're really in a relationship with a certain someone, all you see is their positive aspects.I would like to clarify that statement, When one is in a relationship, chances are we tend to focus on the positive characteristics of that person and sometimes, we neglect to see that the person we're loving isn't perfect. In my relationship with Marlon, i saw him as a very complete and perfect person. But after the split, i saw the glaring fact that there's no such thing as a perfect person, all of us are imperfect persons. We're just waiting for that special imperfect person to perfect and complete us. and here goes the difficult question, the question of when will we find that person.... aaaah...

I'm currently reading a book entitled "Two Gothic Classics by Women". The books include the unabridged versions of "The Italian" by Ann Radcliffe and "Northanger Abbey" by Jane Austen. Of the two authors mentioned above, I'm quite unfamiliar of Ann Radcliffe. But, i'm very much comfortable with Jane Austen. I really like the angsts and the emotions embedded in Austen's works such as "Emma" and "Sense and Sensibility". I really feel for her although her writing style is a bit difficult to comprehend and her paragraphs are somewhat complex in structure as compared to the modern day works. But i guess i really like her for me to be able to appreciate her.

I also would like to rant on the issue of reading. It is very apparent that there are fewer and fewer people who takes the time to read. I mean, the younger generation are all so enamored with all the techno-stuffs such as cellphones, ragnarok and other rpg related games. I mean, the world of reading has a lot to offer to us. It gives us so many insights over a myriad of topics plus it adds to our intellectual and emotional growth. There are so many different kind of reading materials such as magazines, books, ebooks, newspapers etc. which cater to our own sense of choice and to what kind of purpose do they serve. I guess one of the prime effects which the younger generation are experiencing is the declining ability of students to read and analyze things critically. I remember a specific instance last term where our PREHIST teacher has let us handle his JPRIZAL courses for one day. Man, the assigned reading is "ang Pilipinas Sa Isandaang Taon" and then I've asked one guy there if he could summarize the article for the class and man, he got all the facts all mixed up. i gave him another chance when I've asked him what he thought of the article, and man it's very frustrating to see that all he could do is stammer and say non sequitur things. This phenomenon is not only present in the college, but also in the high school and the elementary levels.... tsk.. tsk .. tsk.. i feel pity for the future generation. I think the magic of reading has been lost forever. and it's currently having a great toll on the quality of students which we have..

I'm just happy that most of my life are pretty much ok. Relationships with my fag-hag has been restored, the family will be going on a mall tour this sunday (where i will have to pass because of the number of works to be done), my relationship with elwyn has been pretty much ok. in fact, we'll gonna be having a popoy session around 6.. am just pretty much fucking swell..

brandon boyd and incubus will be performing tonight... mighty hoping that elwyn has gotten the tickets which he's been raving about since monday... and wish he could offer me one. i'm willing to pay him with anything he wants just in order for me to view brandon....

Thursday, March 11, 2004

BLogging GAlore

It seems to me that our Mother thread in Pinoyexchange is slowly loosing steam. Most of the ODDERS are currently keeping their own and respective blogsites, hence, the flow of ideas, opinions and discussions are being channeled in blogging rather than PEXINg. I guess this shift is a good thing for me because the ODDERS have all become mighty expressive their opinions in different matters without being limited by the topics currently on discussion. Plus, I guess blogging gives us the advantage of honing our writing and communication skills. If ever the bloggers wanted to leave a message, there's the haloscan and the chatterbox windows...I also see blogging as a very big help in uncovering the lives of my fellow ODDERS. It helps me in understanding what's going on their life and what they are feeling, and how they are living their lives as PLUs. It jsut gives me the sense of empathy and connection to them. It helps us in understanding each one better. I couldn't help but smile at the simple joys or feel sad and depressed at their failures but what the heck, what is important is that we are all expressing what we want to say.Plus, i'm quite sure that there will be no fucking invaders from the other thread who will sow discord, mischief and malice among the group.

Threading the waters...

Went yesterday for the weekly contingents of the ODDERS. i was kinda not sure whether I could attend the contingent yesterday because of the fact that I have still about a hundred pages to read for my report in PHILSPA so as to show off to the other history majors what real professionals and real historians should be. I've arrived at the ODDErs contingent at around 8:45 and man, the pad is teeming with people. Besides the regular contingent goers, I've seen Kuya Zeki, Kuya Francis and some new people including Rafael and Paolo. The ODDERs just spent the whole night singing, socializing and mingling and chatting and basically trying to touch bases with each other. There are certain things which I've noticed yesterday, which i think is worth commenting..

1.) the absence of alcohol. Man, i guess it shows that we ODDErs don't always need the alcoholic units in the body which led to fewer self-destructions (except in singing, where I self-destructed once more much to my chagrin).
2.) the absence of dancing and club beats.
3.) lateness of their dinner. I have already eaten my fill because of my date but I was kinda astonished to see that the guys ordered at around 12-1 in the morning. I mean, when I first attended the contingents, the guys usually order around 8 or 9.

despite all the missing contingent factors, the night was pretty swell for me. I just feel happy and comfortable when I'm with those guys.

got home around 2:30 and stayed up till the wee hours of the morning drinking gazillions of coffee and eating some biscuits so as to help me stay alert and awake for me to be able to finish the required reading for my other classes. As usual, this is just an ordinary thing for me and good thing my body is cooperating (as of the moment) with me.

Around 6, i went on jogging so as to refresh myself. While jogging, I can't help but contemplate on what JOms, one of my friends and adviser on affairs, has said to me yesterday. He told me about trying to show Marlon that I have already moved on past him. I've already created several scenarios on my mind so as to how to implement this, but a thing stopped me. I haven't answered if I'm really over him and here the problem starts. I can't seem to get over him eventhough I'm trying too. Oh well, I'm not closing the door on reconciliation, but every entrance towards my heart and soul is currently sealed and locked when it comes to him. So, I've decided with this plan, I'm going to ask Elwyn to drop by the classroom and i'm gonna "stan" him in front of MArlon.

During my presentation, I couldn't help the resentment of the other history majors against me. I mean, i could feel the animosity in their eyes while I'm presenting my report. I couldn't help but feel uncomfortable with them. Being an education major, minoring in HIstory, I had a hard time fitting in the class because of the other members' stuffiness. I mean. they're not doing anything so as to deserve them a good grade. I mean, i can't help but really annoy them with my obsessive-compulsiveness and my being meticulous over stuff. I mean, that's my personality, a perfectionist with a fuck-you attitude so I might as well say fuck you to them one of these days.

I've asked Elwyn if he really is up for his part in our "act" of surprising and taunting Marlon. I mean, Elwyn has already arrived and my other classmates hasn't arrived yet but Marlon was a no-show. Fuck, he took the day off and I did not get the chance to revenge on him. maybe some other time, maybe some other time MArlon.

I'm quite happy that JAmes aka GArrrp has been accepted as a teacher in Xavier School. Mighty good for him because of the fact that it's a good school, with high pay. I'm quite sure that he'll have some interesting times there.

I'm also quite happy that Janssen has won the best thesis... way to go...

-------------- took some test at regarding what kind of guy am i.. here's the result

The Bachelor
Deliberate Gentle Sex Master (DGSMm)

Straight-up. Studly. Congratulations, you are The Bachelor.

You're an honest, good-thinking guy, and though you're very sexually active, people don't perceive you as a male-slut or man-whore or guy-dick-putter-inner or whatever. You have a sterling reputation.

You're a careful person, perhaps too much so for your friends' tastes, but guys like that in you. You probably don't kiss & tell. And you definitely don't brag. You know you don't have to prove anything to anyone. It's as if you believe in monogamy, so long as it's with lots of different people.

Our guess is that you've got some kind of word-of-mouth going with the boys out there, and that in the future, your sex partners will get even more plentiful, and more attractive, too.

Your exact opposite:
The Manchild

Random Brutal Love Dreamer

You will settle down eventually, and make an excellent husband. You seem like the type who is into the idea of making copies of yourself, so you'll probably adopt lots of kids. Bear in mind, meanwhile, this can get expensive.

ALTERNATE ENDING: You will die broke and alone. Vermin will feast on your ragged body for five days before the groundskeeper notices. The thing is, when somebody dies in a public restroom, the natural odor of his decomposing flesh is often masked by the feces smell.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Manchild

CONSIDER: The Bachelor, The Backrubber

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Today is a Wednesday... a new Wednesday

I woke up quite early today, around 5 because of our impending interview with one professor in DLSU for our CULTHIS subject. My fag-hag Shella is not my groupmate but by the stroke of chance, I was paired with my fuckbud Elwyn. Jogged around the neighborhood around 5:15 and got home around 6. Man, our neighborhood is quite scary in the dark. I keep imagining that there will be some stray dogs which will get attracted by the prospect of sinking their canine teeth into my fleshy and quite hairy legs. yikes... i really don't like dogs. I'm mighty scared of them because of the fact that they once chased me while I'm just riding my cute sidecar in Cavite. Damn, it was mighty scary and I remember that I'm shouting "Ama Namin, Sumasalangit ka..." while i did my best in making my sidecar go faster... luckily, nothing happened bad to me, yet.

8:00 AM. met with Elwyn in Starbucks. We decided to go all formal today because we're kinda interviewing an old professor. But, as I've walked towards him, I noticed that we're both wearing polo and his color schemes are the same as mine. i can't help but overlook the fact but elwyn himself brought it all up. but, unluckily, the professor we're going to interview is sick... With nothing to do, we decided to just drive around Malate. While driving around, we started talking about sex, and things began to heat up, erections began to be noticeable until we just cut to the crap and went inside Anito in Malate. At 9 in the morning... man..... morning popoy for me...

Just got back in time to attend half of my GUICOED and it's again off to the archives section of DLSU and the Filipiniana section with Elwyn and my fag-hag Shella. Man, i think my fag-hag is not in a good mood today as we sort of scrambled around the archives. Lately, she's giving me the cold-shoulder treatment and I don't know what I did wrong to her. tsk tsk tsk... I'm quite precarious in handling relationships as of the moment

Spent the whole afternoon researching and solidifying my conceptual framework for my research report for CULTHIS. Yesterday, I've taken care of PHILSPA and created a powerpoint presentation for my report. Now, Other history majors, beat that !!! (man, I'm quite bitchy). good thing, I've already reserved the projectors and the laptop needed for tomorrow.

As I was sort of reading the blogs, I was excited to see that there's a chapter 3 of the story of Kenzo. Although I've never met Kenzo, i feel like i'm really close to him (yuck... henry feeling close). Kenzo's a batchmate of my former blockmate in College. I really wish him the best. man, i've even stopped doing my powerpoint again while i'm reading his blog.

Had dinner (Conscience: man, henry again you're eating dinner, what kind of demon has gotten into you, Henry responds: it's a demon called change you dimwit) with Elwyn in Kenny Roger's just about an hour ago. He really is a cute guy. Funny. As we're talking I can't help but imagine myself being with him. But, I guess, we're both not ready to have a relationship. He's currently living the simple joys as a Single PLU and I guess I should probably enjoy the same pleasures that he's enjoying. I think I've been quite cooped up in having a relationship that I did not enjoy my life. aaah... i can't help but think about Marlon yesterday, he just apologized for me and said that he's sorry. Well, all i could say is "apology accepted" and then I've turned my back to him. I guess I'm slowly realizing that he's not my world. =)

well... i would like to rant more but i have to rush off towards the ODDERS contingent today.

speaking of contingents: Here are some of the self-made rules regarding my behavior on the contingents...
1.) just about 2 glasses of alcohol please.
2.) never drink on an empty stomach.
3.) maintain dignity and poise eventhough the world is spinning..
4.) never dance again to DIRRTY and even imitating as far as Christina Aguilera's seductive moves in the video...

hahahahaha... i wonder if I will follow these rules later.... naaah

Tuesday, March 09, 2004

re: not to kIsS or to KiSs ?

there's an ongoing debate on the ODders y-group regarding the whole issue on kissing. Here's my 25 cents on the whole matter. Kissing is one of the most intimate things which two people could do. When I kiss someone, I make sure that I have strong feelings of affection towards that person. I do not kiss on seb's per se, but when I'm with my fuckbud or with the apple of my eye, i can't stop kissing. I guess for me, the kiss is one of the ultimate symbols of trust and love for each other. Regarding Stanning or friendly kiss, I have nothing against it mainly because it was done without malice involved in the two parties. It's just your lips will touch and nothing more. If there's malice involved, then it's another thing..

Tuesday Thoughts and rants

My relationship with Elwyn has not changed a bit. It's such a good thing for me. We're still as cool as buddies and classmates in our History classes. Good thing he is just a sport and fair guy. I guess another thing that I like about him is the fact that he wants to treat persons fairly. This guy has no personal bias. He'll hear both sides before making his stand. I so like him. For the past 2 months, i feel that I have flirted with Elwyn enough for me to suggest that I like him. But, a thing which had bothered me non-stop besides the fact that i'm gonna be cheating on my ex is the fact that i value our friendship. I don't want to bring destruction to the friendship by us having sex. I believe that sex could bring the destruction of friendship if one pushed it to the next level. Am so mightily happy that my relationship with him hasn't changed a bit, or if ever it changed, i guess it changed for the better.

I don't think I'm ready to fall in love again. The hurt and pain is so much to reckon with. I'm still reeling from MArlon's betrayal. I guess time and my own self will be the deciding factors when I should fall in love again. GOod thing having a regular sex-mate is so much fine. I guess I have to make him promise not to fall in love with me, kinda like what Jamie Lee Sullivan of A Walk To Remember asked to Landon Carter.... oh gosh, i'm dreaming again.


I'm so mighty freaking out with my academic life. There are so many things to do. Good thing, poor Henry was given a break by the Philspa professor when I was asked to do a report on THursday instead of today, otherwise i would have died on the spot because of humiliation and shame. I wasn't prepared to do report on our meeting today. I mean, i could give them the general outline of my report but I lack the specifics and the details which makes my reports more zestier and somewhat more unique than the other history majors. I mean, when this other blokes report, they are so dead and borring to the max. I mean, how could the students love history if their professors are not loving the subject. I mean, we should love the professions which we are trained in. tsk tsk tsk... plus, I wasn't able to make the necessary powerpoint presentations so as to further elucidate my advantage.


I'm currently rereading "Of Mice and Men" by John Steinbeck. It's a short novel or a novellette describing the plight of two ranchhands, Lennie and George as they try to strive to bring into reality their dreams of owning their own ranch. But, as the events turned out to be, they did not attained in making their dream reality. Lennie, who's a bit dunderhead, was caught in a crime of homicide when he accidentally broke the neck of Curley's wife and now he's being hunted by the different ranch hands and the people in the ranch. George found Lennie and killed him. I vividly remember our debate in 2nd year English regarding the rightness or wrongness of the event and up to now, I still don't know the answer, well i guess there's gonna be no definite answer to my question... aaaah... just like Steinbeck. He's one of my fave authors. His works such as The Grapes of Wrath, Cannary Row and the PEarl are in my cherished book list.


this song is really on my head. It's "You Mean the World to Me " by Toni Braxton. It really stucked into my mind since Saturday when I heard my bet for SIAM, Shemarra Flatts sing it. I guess i don't have anyone to dedicate this song to except, maybe my fuckbud... hehehehe.. and maybe to those who have the time to delve into my life....

If you could give me one good reason
Why I should believe you
Believe in all the things that you tell
I would sure like to believe you
My heart wants to receive you
Just make me know that you are sincere
You know I'd love for you to lead me
And follow thru completely
So won't you give me all I ask for
And if you give your very best
To bring me happiness
I'll show you just how much I adore you

Cause you mean the world to me
You are my everything
I swear the only thing that matters
Matters to me
Oh baby, baby, baby, baby,
Baby, cause you mean so much
To me

Now it's gonna take some workin'
But I believe you're worth it
Long as your intentions are good
So good
There is just one way to show it
And boy I hope you know it
That no one could love you like I could
Lord knows I want to trust you
And always how I'd love you
I'm not sure if love is enough
And I will not be forsaken
And I hope there's no mistakin'
So tell me that you'll always be true

Cause you mean the world to me
You are my everything
I swear the only thing that matters
Matters to me
Oh baby, baby, baby, baby,
Baby, cause you mean so much
To me

There's a feeling in my heart
That I know I can't escape
So please don't let me fall
Don't let it be too late
There's a time when words are good
And they just get in the way
So show me how you feel
Baby I'm for real
Oh, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby

Cause you mean the world to me
You are my everything
I swear the only thing that matters
Matters to me
Oh baby, baby, baby, baby,
Baby, cause you mean so much
To me

Monday, March 08, 2004

Free at last

I've played hooky the whole day. After I was devastated yesterday by fucking Marlon's revelation that he's been fucking with someone behind my back, I've decided that he really is a part of my past. There's no chance of reconciling with him. I guess the closest thing we ever could be is him to become a close friend of mine. Hence, it's time for me to have some fun despite of all the problems i've encountered.

Today, i've played hooky. decided to meet and hook up with Elwyn, the cute PLU classmate of mine in the HIstory classes. I really like him, he's quirky, he's fun to be with and so brutally frank. he called me up yesterday proposing to me to have a bonding session with me. When he mentioned "bonding", i've immediately thought of getting laid with him. My last lay was around February 19, and after Marlon and I broke up, I never got laid again until today.

Met up with him in school around 9. He accompanied me into DAVID's at around 10 where I have my hair cut. Cutting the hair is a symbol of change, of letting myself free from bondage, letting myself free from Marlon and all the things we've done together. I've finally liberated myself from him, and exorcises the demons which are residing within my body. I'm gonna do a brush-up with gel with my new hair, sort of what Elwyn sports.

Then, we've had lunch in RObinson's PLace and sort of drived around in his CRV. while driving, we just sort of stopped in a motel in the MAlate district. I guess he really wants to sex me up and i guess am pretty much willing to do it with him. So, we've had sex. After the whole sex, he offered me a relationship. After coming from a disastrous relationship with MArlon where I thought that we'll be together as a couple forever, I think i'm not ready for another guy to enter my life. Also, I don't think he's ready to enter into a relationship with me. I think he just offered me one because he's pitying me for marlon dumped me. I don't want a relationship out of pity. I want him to fully love me for what I am, not build a relationship with me out of pity. Besides, i think we are good friends and i don't want to ruin our friendship with a love relationship which may sour out. I think we've amicably settled the situation.

Just got home and I feel rejuvenated. Finally, I'm free

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Sunday again

current state of mind: jumbled. Jumbled because I have dozens of different things to do. The stakes are higher as we're pushing towards the last month of the trimester. They are so many things which needs to be taken care of. Good thing is that I've done my book reports in a zing. I just need to get started on doing my comprehensive papers for all 3 History subjects (Cultural History of the Philippines, Philosophy of History and Philippines under the Spanish rule). My main problem in defeating these history demons is that all three subjects require comprehensive and extensive researches on the archives and other libraries in DLSU and the national museum. I'm quite a good researcher and facts gatherer and my organizational and schematic build-up in writing the paper are quite ok, but my main problem is that my time is limited. I have procrastinated again. oooh... bad, bad, bad, henry...

Emotional State: Hurt. Marlon admitted to me that he's been fooling with other guys the whole duration that we're together. He has been fooling with 4 other guys before I caught him. tsk tsk tsk... man, if i'd just have even a small dagger, i would have stabbed him on the spot earlier during our community service. I mean, the whole time i was lead on to believe that I was the only one in his life. I was practically bamboozled and cheated. damn... i was betrayed and the whole time... When I asked him why, he just said that he needed someone else to give him more, to satiate his cravings for sex. Man, I don't know what cravings I have not satiated. Every sexual fantasy that a man wants from his man, I have already given, eventhough I know that I'm humiliating myself.

Funny thing, i still have dreamt of him being my man.... but i guess today tops it all. it's the ultimate straw..

Redeeming Thought: Brian's a closet SIAM fan... am happy that there's someone beside PJ, me, Paul, Dennis, and Roy who are SIAM fans... mightly glad for that one.

Saturday, March 06, 2004


I've literaLly self-destructed in the contingent yesterday. I don't know if it's the alcohol, although I felt a bit woozy after drinking 4 glasses of vodka sprite and 2 glasses of gin pomelo. Self destruction mode started when Carlo arrived. I just sort of followed him and sort of matched him in every dance. Self destruction reached peak when I personally looked for James mp3 of my fave dance tune, Dirrty by Christina Aguilera. I just sort of let go of all the tensions and all the problems which I've encountered the past few weeks and just danced into the whole music, even imitating Christina's steps. Man, it felt so good. Self-destruction mode continued with me singing and belting out my fave hits of the divas. Self-destruction reached climax when Econ just sort of lied in the floor in order for the world to stop spinning around.

Now that I'm not drunk, i couldn't help but feel a little bit ashamed of my show yesterday. I just shed all my inhibitions yesterday, just let everybody see that there's a wild spirit in me too despite my weak demeanor. I guess it's kinda fun, but i guess i Have to limit my self-destruction sometimes.

Time to become more conservative in dealing with the others and while partying...

Friday, March 05, 2004

Friday post

Jumbled Thoughts
I think that I should have a haircut soon... Maybe tomorrow. I've got a case of a developing cold.

I'm gonna be buried in my book reports if i don't start tomorrow.

I ain't gonna talk to Marlon about love and relationships this coming Sunday. All we're gonna talk about is for our professional and academic advantage.

Joining the odders in another contingent..

Man, the polo which I've bought last year is kinda small for me. It shows my tummy when I raise my hands... oh god...

Thursday, March 04, 2004


due to my insatiable character, I've again changed skins. From deep blue to something turquoise... also changed the background color from lightblue to lightgray... the past skin is kinda full of blue, without any trace of DLSU green... hahahaha... pardon my insanity...

Sleeping LEss
I started the day with the radio gods blaring out their music for radio tabloid. That means I've pretty much overslept again. The issue of oversleeping is really not much a problem of me when I was in high school. Being in such a rigid and academically-competitive science high school where everyone seems to try to outshine and outwit each other, my body has finetuned into sleeping just around at most 3-4 hours during mondays-thursdays due to an excessive amount of school work such as projects, assignments, papers and other stuffs. but when friday comes, my body is sure to crash in the bed after I've gotten home and sleep the whole friday night away and wake around 12 the following day. This routine continued up to now when i'm a junior. Lately, my body is yearning for more and more sleep. I often found myself with my head rested on the table in the library because I fell asleep while researching or just plain reading a novel. I also get very much drowsy after I've eaten my lunch. My schedule of sleeping has advanced into 10 in the evening unless I have to do something else or am not at the house. It seems that my body is compensating for the lack of sleep which my body was deprived of when i was young...

After my 15 minute jogging around the vicinity of our house, I sort of just popped in my cd of favorite dance hits and continued my sweating galore and exercise routine. Just danced and danced before hitting the shower and eating some muffins then it's off to school...

Still Trying to get around him
As a requirement for our RELSFOR, the class was asked to pair off so as to determine the number of pairs for the upcoming Community Service which is going to be held this coming Sunday, March 7 at Brgy. San Dionisio in Tramo, Paranaque. As usual, the whole class paired off and I found myself again paired with Marlon. It's kinda weird and strange for me to be again working with him outside the school premises. I mean, sure we did group reports and presentations but we never did anything together outside the school premises. I have this deep misgiving on myself that eventually, his charms and his persuasiveness would soon bring me again to his arms. I'm fighting temptations: the thoughts of me doing it again and being together as a couple. I'm just praying and hoping that I do not succumb to the temptations.

I really don't know what I should feel towards him. One half of me says that I should treat him with animosity, with hate and says that I should detach myself from him because he is a cancer which is slowly eating me up. But one half of me helps me to remember all the sweet things we've done together. All of the events and the tender caresses.

How could I move on with him working beside me? I mean, it's tearing me up inside now. I've tried to cope up with my loss with crying, excessive drinking, smoking and even flirting with my classmate,Elwyn but MArlon is not as erased in my life as I want him to be. Damn, i really need some help or tips so as how to move on. I think I'm hindering myself from developing and moving on. Stupid and pathetic me.

Stupid and pathetic me... damn, i wish i could change...

Regarding the community service activity, our class was tasked to do some voter education thingie in an area which i think no one among us knows. I mean the community service activity is on sunday, yet the fucking coordinator just updated us today about the vicinity, the kind of work that we are going to do or something. It's kinda annoying and it pissed me off a lot because my family and I are gonna visit my mom's grave this coming Sunday. And, the sad thing is, I have to give up visiting my mom in order just to accomplish this major requirement for RELSFOR. I mean, this bloke just screwed it all up. He screwed me all up, and my whole weekend is all screwed up because of the fact that I have to start reading for another comprehensive report on PHILSPA regarding the Filipino revolts that happened in LUzon. My weekend is all screwed up.


confessions of bigbutt part 2

When I've started in this kind of lifestyle, i thought that having an enormous or perky, as JOhn Rae would put it, butt will be a big negative. I mean, this butt really protrudes as much and I have this silly notion that it's minus points if masculinity is the issue because I associate butts with effeminates. Whenever I'd go on eb's and sometimes seb's, i have this silly notion of mine that the people whom I'm going to meet would not like me because I have a big butt. Add in a nerdy appearance and I'm pretty much sure to turn off. The reactions are somewhat varied with some people avoiding me, and with some people really getting turned on by my big butt. But what I could say is that I'm pretty much happy with my big butt. It's the only physical ass-et(forgive the pun)I had... What can I say, I Love my butt.

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Wednesday's Entry

Went yesterday to Nathan's birthday party part 1 galore held at James' loft in Paragon Plaza. Partly, I did not think of going and joining the ODDERS mainly because I'm feeling harrassed. Harrassed in the sense that I feel lethargic, stressed and somewhat annoyed with the way my academic life is going. Good thing that I did my report yesterday perfectly. No questions raised, a perfect 100% for my oral report.

I left DLSU around 7:45 and encountered a sort of mishap along the way to EDSA when the tires of the FX i'm riding suddenly burst out. It's kinda exhilirating and at the same time freaky. Took the MRt and arrived at the loft around 8:25 something, something.

The guys are already there and to my surprise, Chris aka Kahlee was there. He's such a nice guy. He asked what happened to me and I just replied as to what happened between me and MArlon. Gave me some advice. Men are just men ! They're not worth dying for especially cheating sonofabitches... ok... i think i've got a little bit carried away with it but i guess he's right. I think love makes you really think and act stupidly and dastardly at times.... oh well..

I was stanned again by my cute batchmate, Stan !!! i was not expecting it. good thing Stan's such a nice sport.

After that, conversations turned into Topz and his relationship with his beau and so many things.I kinda admire TOpz and his beau for making their relationship last for too long. Eventhough the last break-up really did me in a way, their relationship along with the relationship of Francis and Zeki really says that PLU relationships could survive despite all the problems. It gives me the glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, there's a man out there for me to share my life with.

I sort of bonded with PJ while the group is listening to the stories of Topz. PJ's really one of the coolest guys I've ever met. And I do say that i really bonded with him. Same likes in music, same attitudes and views, very very much a partygoer. We just belted out and reinterpreted some of the hits of the SIAM singers such as our favorite Gayle Dizon. I think he really deserves the title of being the "Soul Sensation", i'd go with the monicker "The Captivating Supermodel" instead. hahaha... ala-teresa...

Turned in home around 12:30, reached home by 1, asleep 1:10


I do have a big butt. I think it runs in the family. I don't know whether it's a curse or a blessing to me because of my protruding butt. The 1st thing that my friends notice in me is my ass. I mean, ever since I'm developing, this gorgeous ass of mine really developed into something. I remember during my CAT and ROTC days whenever the officer walks and asks me to straighten up, I straighten up and stand at attention but i guess my butt has his own life and just protrude. Oh well, I think the reason why I have a large butt is because of the curve of my back, i feel like there's something wrong with my body alignment thingie.... oh well...


Yesterday while relaxing , I just sort of touched Glen's hair. I kinda liked touching a head of a person who's sporting a kalbo or semi-kalbo effect. The sensation is quite prickly and it just sort of tickled me.... maybe i should sport a semi-kalbo hairstyle too..


Today's classes are pretty much ho-hum. Just some preliminary reports for GUICOED and some drudgery work for CULTHIS... no big stuff to sweat...

lunch date/review session with Elwyn went pretty much ok. Just kept the humiliation factor close to zero and impressed him with my intellectual powers... man, i really hope that he's feeling something more for me.... aaaah... henry goes daydreaming.....


while listening to the radio last Sunday, I heard this song. it's entitled "Around You" by Tribe of Levi. the song really is one of my favorites but i guess i have a difficult time finding the MP3 of the song or even someone who knows the song too. GOod thing, I got a mail today from my "mom/friend" Loida in New Zealand with the MP3 attachment and the lyrics of the song... aaah... reminds me of Marlon again... this song is really appropriate

Around You
by Tribe of Levi

Kinda thought that I was trippin' when I asked her to stay
But now I know I was just crazy to let you treat me that way
I put you first in my life, you brought the worst in my life
See, I'm tired of playing games with you just like a child
You had every opportunity to give me your smile
I can't do this no more and how you broke me before
I just can't be around you, let you hurt me anymore...

Everytime I'm around you, I let down my guard
So when I come around you, I cover my heart
If I let you and I give you, it will only tear me apart
I don't wanna do it again, I don't wanna love you again
Get me around you, around you...

How could I consider taking you back again
I trusted you when I'm bitter, I loved you more than I can
I put you first in my life, you brought the worst in my life
And I'm tired of waiting all night long til you come home or call
If you'd apologize and make it seem all right, and when you're sorry at all
I can't see you no more, already tried that before
I just can't be around you, Girl, I'm closing the door...

Everytime I'm around you, I let down my guard
So when I come around you, I cover my heart
If I let you and I give you, it will only tear me apart
I don't wanna do it again, I don't wanna love you again
Get me around you, around you...

If you think and needed, I was there for you
There was nothing I would not do
How could you leave me standing all alone,
No, and i could not do this
I can't do this no more and how you broke me before
I just can't be around you, let you hurt me anymore...

Everytime I'm around you, I let down my guard
So when I come around you, I cover my heart
If I let you and I give you, it will only tear me apart
I don't wanna do it again, I don't wanna love you again
Get me around you, around you... (2x)

Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Tuesday Break

I'm currently in one of the secluded computer laboratories here in my school, currently enjoying my long break due to the fact that my Philippines under the Spain teacher has dismissed us after just a 15 minute lecture. Just ate some ika-fry with cole slaw, rice and siomai in one of the canteens there. Been reading another book by Gabriel Garcia Marquez which is entitled Of Love and other demons. I really like the author's style of writing where he talks of fantastic and fabulous events as if it's just an ordinary and common occurence. Let's see if it will be better than Love in the time of Cholera.

Woke up today around 6:30 when my clock blared out. Just woke up and cranked up the radio for my daily routine. Around 7:00, I jogged around the neighborhood and am was pissed off with what happened in the neighborhood. Man, almost every available space was taken up by the campaign posters of these stupid and dodgy politicians. From president up to the senators, their posters and banners are an eyesore. I mean, the local campaign period has not yet started yet this stupid politicians are bending their backs over so as to promote their names to the masses..... tsk tsk tsk... think of all the filth that is generated by these posters. They are not only a visual eyesore but also an environmental problem. I mean, if the politicians really want to do something good for the country, they could share or at least allocate some of their campaign funds for the further development of the country economically, socially or developmentally. tsk. tsk... just a waste of money and ample resources.... damn...

after about 30 minutes of active sweating under the sun, i got home and showered and ate some of the muffins which my sister has baked. not bad as i've decided to take some of it to school so as to share it to my fag hag Shels and to my fellow classmates for PHILOHI.

during our heated discussion regarding whether objectivity could be incorporated into the discipline of history, that fucker of a classmate of mine has criticized my rebuttal statement saying that he doesn't understand why I did not agreed with him. This could not go on so I readily retaliated. If he wants to engage me into an intellectual debate with him regarding the point that objectivity could never be a part of the interpretation part of history, then fine, so be it. I have the advantage over him because of some of my training in the Debate Society and mainly because I'm fueled by hate for him. We go back a long time ago since I was a froshie in school. ok, i'm gonna mention the name, this Gene, has once chatted with me over the IRC. sure, friendly exchanges of digits took place and we decided to eb. Man, when I first saw him, i wanted to run away from him. He's a fucking know-it-all, an attention-seeker and a fucking opinionated person who has this annoying and tinny winny voice which really made me so fucking irritated at him. and the thing is, when I left him because I have another meeting with my batchmate in the mall, he decided to tag along and made references regarding the two of us getting it on... I mean, what a fucking nerve you have.... Yesterday, over a phone chat, my fag hag has confided to me that fucking Gene has spread rumors about him and me getting it on to the other fucking history majors. talk about lying creeps... man, my animosity towards him has taken a higher and more significant level... HELL HATH NO FURY !!! HE'LL BE MINCEMEAT !!!

ok, henry, ok, cool down, cool down... I have a date tomorrow with Elwyn, disguised under the context of a review session... man, i would sure like to review anatomy with him.... oooh... my stomach's grumbling, i wanna eat more..

Monday, March 01, 2004

Sunday Slow-down

What can I say, YEsterday, while I'm uploading my blog entries for Saturday, and making my own blog entry for Sunday, my internet card's load ran out, thus making me ineligible to post what's on my mind.

Yesterday was a ho-hum day for me, Elwyn called me up and chatted with me for a while but I guess I wasn't that enthusiastic over the phone that we just decided to stop chatting after 10 minutes over the phone, Just cooped up in my room and dealt with depression. Sang with the Star in A million CD, sang along with my Mp3's, sang and sang and sang while I'm scrambling to find my VCD copies of the films for the OScar's, but alas, the cd's i've bought are all gone.... pissed me off a lot...

Read the two PHILOHI articles which dealt with the problem of objectivity and subjectivity.

OBjectivity: plain presentation of facts without any interpretation, thus making the writer detach from the situation.
Subjectivity: presentation of facts with one's own interpretation, thus making the writer involved or inside the situation.

hmmm... is that right... watched the Survivor re-run and slept afterwards...

Woke up today with no voice at all... I mean, i tried to scream but alas, my voice is gone. It must be due to the fact that I've belted out ballad after ballad and song after song yesterday. Hence, when I've come down to the sala, my sister did not notice me until I've cranked up the radio at Magic. damn, it's hard when you don't have any voice. I've got to hire a taxi because the freaking puj operators went on a strike, But i guess i really can't blame them. They really just got the royal screwing from the government and the oil companies. Classes are a bore, good thing there's Robinson's PLace near our house. Spent the early and later parts of the afternoon beating the crap out of inexperienced players. Beat the beamers of MArvel vs. Capcom 2 using my all girl group of Cammy-Psylocke-Morrigan and Cammy-Psylocke-Storm.... am so mighty happy. Econ's domination ruled also in the Capcom vs. SNK where I've experimented using different characters. So far, my girl-group of Cammy-Mai-King proved the most effective while i simply sucked using Yamazaki-Blanka combination. hehehehe.

Also updated and gave my blogsite a new appearance and overhaul... i think it looks quite fine and dandy....

Saturday Stroll In Intramuros and An Amicable Parting of Ways

So, the group met around 12:00 afternoon in the South Gate waiting area of DLSU. I managed to eat a decent brunch of rice, scrambled eggs and hotdogs, I've steeled myself for another day of looking into the various relics that the Spaniards has endowed into the country. I just donned my boots, fitted corduroy straight cut jeans and my white shirt because I want to engage in some intellectual flirting with Elwyn.

I think being in a flirt mode is relatively okay. Just as long as you still maintain your own dignity and the dignity of the person whom you're flirting with. One must not lose face in front of another person.

A puzzling thing is that most of the people there brought their own cars, which turned out good for me since Elwyn asked me to be with him in his CRV. Because of our fiery nature and our own disregard for fucking the rules, we sort of pulled ahead of the others until we became lost in trying to find a u-turn slot in padre burgos avenue, we have to go to Quiapo and Sta. Cruz just to be able to turn back and start the other way, thus jeopardizing the time frames given to us by our Professor. But, it was worth it because it was fun and we finally arrived at the San Agustin Church.

Man, the Church is like a museum, and I'm enthralled. Yes, I'm enthralled. Enthralled, Bedazzled and Intrigued by the relics that we've found there. I really loved the statues, and the ornate gold pieces. While touring the museum, the class really bonded and ganged up against our common enemy, that irritating and fucking know-it-all.

After a mini cigarette break, where we all lighted up, we decided to go to the UP Chapel. The traffic is ok. TOok us about 11/2 hour to be in the vicinity. And, here, we are treated to another spectacle because of the breath-taking and innovative artworks found in the chapel. After that, another cigarette break and we drove to Dulcinea for some Churros galore.

Frankly, I did not like the Churros.. It's a bit over-rated but what did me in is the camaraderie and the one-ness of the class. We've found the solidarity which i think has been lacking in the class since january. although there are some exceptions, such as that fucker, the class has become more intact.

After that, we've said goodbyes, Elwyn drove me home. He's such a gentleman, he's cute, articulate, intelligent, a deep person with lots of ambitions and dreams. I really hope that he recognize me too for what I am...

Arrived home around 7 where my sister announced me that Shanna Hife bagged the February slot for Star In A Million. Good thing my sister video-recorded the whole show. Shanna really deserved the slot because of her extreme and tasteful use of her head-tones. She really wowed me. =)

I decided to go online and managed to chat with Stanley and PJ. I was trying to upload what I have already typed using the notepad accessory when Marlon called. The guy is trying to make ammends with me. I did not talk to him at first because I'm still mad at him but he incessantly called which really annoyed my sister, PJ and Stan has advised me to have a final discussion with him. If ever there's one thing that I owe him, I owe him a formal explanation as to why I broke up with him and a formal declaration of my independence with him.

I callled him up and decided we should meet at Starbuck's Vito Cruz and we decided to meet and eventually walk around the area. I told him that the pain of cheating and fucking behind my back is so great and even letting someone see him making out with another guy is too painful for me, hence I have to let him go. I just decided to let it all out on him. I poured out all the questions which are bothering me as to why he cheated on me. He just stood there, not saying any word. I guess he finally understood me. We just hugged and consoled each other. As for our relationship, it has reached the point where we don't know what the future will bring, It may bring us back into each other's arms or it may lead me to another person. But what I could say is that I cherished and lived my life's moments when we did all the things that we did together. The friendship is still there. I think his attraction is still there, but i guess it's time for both of us to try to explore different horizons. Thank the transcendent one it all ended amicably for both of us.


Friday's contingent

Yesterday was one of the most fabulous contingents ever held, and the sore thing is, I have to cut it short because of a pending field trip that we have today for my Culthis subject. I was just in the computer lab just trying to fit a blogskin into my blog when I've received an email from James saying that he has won in the competition and he's holding a drinking party in his loft in Paragon Plaza. I just decided to go with the odders rather than listen to my sister haggling over me and my affairs in academics. Left school around 8 and I've managed to see Prof. Dennis in the MRT station, together we just talked about life and all about the other stuffs. We've arrived at the loft around 9 and we watched American IDol.

People present yesterday: James, Dennis, Joms, JR, Chris, Jio, Nate, Bryan, RC, PJ, Marvin, Glendel, Rommel, Paul, and others if ever i forget someone...
We just watched the 1st 3 episodes of American Idol and just spent some of the time laughing at the people auditioning for the slot.. man, they're braver than me.

As James passed the gin pom, discussion turned to me, as the odders attempted to make a make-over for me. I don't think I need a makeover because of the mere fact that I'm really comfortable with my own style eventhough it could be considered baroque or reminiscent of parochial school. But, I think I'm more open to change now, I think the guys are right, It's time for a make-over, but i guess let's just take it one at a time. I still love my own twisted sense of style.

Joms and I had a conversation regarding my current situation with my lovelife. I'm beginning to see the light. I guess Marlon wasn't really man enough for me. I'm willing to be his friend, or maybe even becoe his lover again but I guess it will take time before I opened up my heart once again for him.

I have to cut the partying short because of an impending field trip to be held next day where we're gonna visit the Spanish bastions of culture which is found in Intramuros such as the San Agustin Church and an example of Post-modernistic art which is the UP Chapel. Frankly speaking, I'm quite excited of this trip, mainly because I'm gonna be riding with my cute friend Elwyn. harharhar... dream on, but a few hours in the passenger seat of his CRV is a start, mainly because I utilize the time so as to make subtle flirtations with him mixed with few academic innuendoes and stuff, stuff. I'm quite excited. (1 - 100)

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